Written by Megan - one of Love Kiddo's lovely brand reps
In December 2019 we decided we were ready to start a family - we were very naive and didn’t realise how long this would take us.
Obviously in 2020 we went into lockdown. We couldn’t have thought of a more perfect time to fall pregnant as we didn’t have work and all of the stress that comes with it, however unfortunately it didn’t happen. Each month when all you see is that negative line it hurts more and more. All everyone says is ‘stop putting pressure on yourself, it will happen when it happens, don’t stop doing the things you love, take a holiday and relax’.
Unfortunately those words really don’t help.
Fast forward to February 2021, we got the best news we could have ever wished for - the positive lines on that test! Unfortunately, that happy news didn’t last long and we suffered a miscarriage. It was like my whole world just came crashing down around me, with no one to talk to as miscarriages are such a taboo subject.
The months after this got ever harder knowing that I could actually fall pregnant and still see that negative test each month.
When we fell pregnant in February we had used the Clearblue ovulation sticks as we just wanted to make sure I was ovulating, we soon figured out my cycles weren’t as normal as they should be.
So a few months passed by and still nothing so October 2021 we used the Clearblue ovulation tests again just to make sure my body was still ovulating and it was.
November 2021 we went to a party, got very drunk and I broke my wrist and the following weekend I was so emotional. I thought it was down to breaking my wrist and feeling so helpless that I couldn’t work and couldn’t do some of the basic things. Little did I know that I was finally pregnant with our rainbow baby. This day went from sad tears to happy tears, a day I will never forget.
Even though this was a happy time for us, it was also the most scary time for us. Suffering the miscarriage made me so nervous and paranoid that it was all going to happen again, any small pain would just trigger this.
We were SO lucky this time round that my body managed to carry.
During my pregnancy, we went for a private early scan at 6 weeks just to make sure everything was where it was supposed to be and that they was happy. This also put me at rest and stopped me from worrying so much but that worry doesn’t fully go away.
I was so lucky during my pregnancy that I didn’t get many symptoms. I didn’t get any morning sickness during the first 12 weeks but what I did get was severe nausea and oh lord, I can’t even begin to tell you how horrible that is. It makes you not want to eat anything or like anything but you know it’s the only thing that will take the edge off. I think for 12 weeks my go to food was toast! Meal times became an issue as I didn’t want to eat anything that I should have been eating and also the smell of things just got worse so that put me of food even more! We kept saying no matter what you eat at least it’s something!
Also, my moods weren’t the best, my poor partner had to put up with some rubbish! He couldn’t wait for the first trimester to be over and hoped I would be back to my normal self. Also during my pregnancy the whole of upstairs and one room down stairs were being renovated so I also had to cope with my house being upside down!
My second trimester was much more of a breeze, the nausea went, I finally got my appetite back and started to enjoy food again and my mood swings, well they were still there but just not as bad, I was more calm haha. I starting getting cravings which were olives, ice lollies and slushies. Also my partner was finally happy again that I wasn’t biting his head of 24/7!
This was the trimester that I finally had that butterfly feeling, it was the most surreal feeling and made me realise “oh wow there is a baby in there”! Then he started to kick and I started to feel him much more, it was so nice and made me feel like I had much more of connection with him. It wasn’t until the end of my second trimester that I actually started to look pregnant, I just looked like I had put a bit of weight on but at the end my bump finally popped.
Leo had his back to my belly so we didn’t really see any of his movements, like when they go across your belly and things. I was ok with that though because that kind of thing freaks me out!, but we sure did feel him moving and kicking!
During my midwife appointments when they were asking what drugs or how I wanted my birth to go, I didn’t have a plan and didn’t say no to drugs. My plan was to do whatever was safe for the baby and me at the time. All that mattered to me was that we had a safe birth.
Third trimester was exhausting! This was when I started to slow things down, I dropped another day at work and went down to four days to give me 2 days at home to rest or for appointments. This was now where my bump just kept popping and came from nowhere and I was just like WOW, how am I going to cope?!
My feet swelled like no tomorrow, no matter what I did they just wouldn’t go down. I did get seen at the hospital for pre-eclampsia but luckily it was just water retention!
We are also now into May-June so the weather was starting to heat up and I just couldn’t cope! I will be honest I really struggled with my pregnancy to accept my new body, even though I knew I was carrying my little boy. It was so hard to get dressed and feel comfortable and accept my body was changing.
At 39 weeks I had my last midwife appointment and I was thinking - yes you’re going to tell me baby is engaged and not long to go. How wrong was I? She said he’s head down but not engaged. Leo had always been head down from quite early on. My bump never dropped it stayed the same and I was looking out for all the signs people say or have. So now I was like great this is gonna go on for another 2 weeks!
THREE days later I wake up at 6:30, got to the bottom of stairs and my waters broke. Now I was always under the impression that I would have had some sort of sign like having pains beforehand or something but no! I never lost my mucus plug before either.
Even though my waters had broke, it wasn’t a lot - but we knew it was happening! I still had zero contractions though so I carried on my morning as normal and thought best get some jobs done whilst I can! Four hours later I still had nothing but was a little yellow on my pad so we called the hospital and we went in to be checked over.
At this stage I was 1cm dilated and sent home being told to keep an eye on my pad. We got back and I just chilled on the sofa but things went for zero to 100 quite quickly as the contractions had started and WOW! Contractions aren’t for me! So we called the hospital and they were full so we had to be diverted to another hospital, which was a 30min drive, so if you could all just imagine my journey, to say the least it wasn’t fun!
Now everyone says you leave your dignity at the door. Well my dignity got left in the car park! With every contraction more of my waters were coming out so my pad was soaked when I got there. I was like ‘no no I need to get changed, I can’t go in like this! So that’s what I did, I changed my pad and pants in the car park and I honestly couldn’t have cared less, I was doing whatever made me feel comfortable.
We had never been to this hospital before so we didn’t know where the maternity block was. So that wasn’t fun, having contractions and walking around a hospital!
When we got inside I was examined, I was at 2cm and the contractions were getting more intense. They gave me some more tablets and I asked if I could wait 30 mins for them to kick in as it was a long journey home (my local hospital was now accepting patients again) so as we are waiting I started crying saying I can’t do this (yes at 2cm!)
I knew I had so long to go.
During this 30 mins I started saying I wanted to push and when they say you know your body wow you know your body. I had never been in labour before but I knew what my body was doing. Rich just kept saying you can’t yet you're not far enough. After shouting at him, he got the midwife and she examined me again and I was 4cm so off I went to the delivery suite.
So now was where I surprised myself beyond belief. All my family kept saying during my pregnancy was god help you giving birth and feeling sorry for my partner! BUT, I was very calm except for when I had a contraction.
I started with gas and air and just used this when I had a contraction. Not so long after, we spoke about other drugs. The only drug I wasn’t so keen on was pethidine as it can make you and baby sleepy. However, the midwives told me they can now reverse the drug so I said okay.
Did this help with the contractions? Erm, no!
One thing I did opt for during my midwife appointment was to be monitored wirelessly so didn’t want to be hooked up on the machine. This meant every so often they would check baby’s heart rate and my pulse - I much preferred this incase I wanted to move.
Most of my birth was a blur to be honest! In regards to timings, I just roughly know we went to the delivery suite around 4/5ish and the midwives were so lovely - I couldn’t have asked for a better team!
A lot of time passed and I asked for more pethidine. They examined me and said no, there wasn’t any time for that! I was ready to start pushing so at this point it had been hours since I last had that and there was no time so I put the gas and air down.
The best thing I did was put the gas and air down so that I could concentrate on pushing and putting all my energy into that.
My advice to anyone would be put it down and put your chin into your chest and just push and don’t scream.
We got so far and the midwife asked if I would like the stirrups to help so I said okay I will try them again, doing whatever they thought was best! This helped so much as it helped me dig my heels in and push more.
I think my total time pushing was about an hour, many times I kept saying you need to help me I can’t do this anymore and they just kept saying ‘you can!’ Also, I only swore once throughout the whole thing! That was when the midwife said oooh his head is coming and I shouted YES, I can fucking feel it! This I think was the worst part as it sort of burned and then the next thing I knew after 2 more pushes my baby boy arrived at 11:48pm!
I was so proud of myself, I couldn’t actually believe that I managed to do it! After crying at 2cm to birthing my beautiful boy.
I had my little cuddle with him and I was checked over. We did do the delayed cord clamping so after a while Dad cut the cord. I also had an injection to help deliver the placenta. It took around 20 minutes to deliver the placenta and I had to have a little help from the midwives.
Once this had been done it was time for me to get sorted so off Leo went to get cuddles with dad and to get checked out himself.
I had a second degree tear so I had to have stitches and when I say I hit the gas and air hard, I hit it hard, my legs went like jelly! This for me was the worst part of the whole thing, I think because it was so sensitive anyway, being prodded wasn’t nice.
During this time, Leo had to be monitored and I’m so glad Rich was there to oversea what was happening with our son because I didn’t really know what had happened until Rich came back to me the next morning.
Leo had to be taken to neonatal for antibiotics at around 4am ish and I was taken up to the ward which wasn’t very nice. When I got on the ward, the other moms had their babies and I didn’t have mine. He came back up to me finally at about 6am with his little cannula in which was awful to see!
I didn’t bleed half as much as other people said they had and this is why it’s so important every mom tells their story - because every birth is so different.
I wore pads for around two weeks but it was just like a light period. We stayed in hospital for three days while Leo was monitored for his breathing (it was just mucus). They were doing such a good job and were definitely on it.
Hospital was very hard as you don’t really get any help as you would do at home. You would have your partner or whoever is their to support with you. In hospital you only get them for so long! The daytime was the easiest part, it was nighttime when you need your sleep and baby is having none of it!
My birth wasn’t crazy or bad, one thing I always said after I gave birth was - if I didn’t have contractions, just had to push and it went the way this birth went I would push many babies out!
The worst part of my whole labour was the contractions it was just a pain I couldn’t cope with, people may understand they may not but that’s how i felt.
Megan x